Bullying happens in many workplaces across Canada. According to Jacqueline Power, an assistant professor of management at the University of Windsor’s Odette School of Business (who has spent years researching bullies in the workplace), 40 per cent of Canadians have experienced one or more acts of workplace bullying at least once a week for the last six months. Today is Pink Shirt Day, so John and I are excited to present a range of tips and strategies for stopping workplace bullying and creating more safe and supportive work environments.
How to manage your workplace bully
The Huffington Post has a great article from Psychologist Dr. Michelle Callahan on dealing with your workplace tormentor. Here is an edited list of her tips and tricks.
Control your emotions. Bullies take pleasure in emotionally manipulating people. Stay calm and rational to diffuse the situation.
Don’t blame yourself and continue to do your best. Acknowledge that this is not about you; it’s about the bully. Don’t lose your confidence, or think you are incapable or incompetent and don’t give the bully any ammunition to come after you with.
Build a support network. Instead of allowing the bully to make you retreat into your office, work on building your relationships with your coworkers so that you have support and the bully doesn’t turn them against you. Be an actor, not a victim in this difficult situation.
Document everything and get help. There’s a reason lawyers do this and its good practice whenever you’re dealing with (HR-like) problems. Keep a journal of what happened when (and who witnessed it). Then seek out mentors, friends or even legal advocates (if you think it has gotten to that stage). Contacting HR may be a solution in some organizations. You may also need to get some counseling if the bullying is impacting your mental or physical health.
Don’t expect to change the bully. Real behavior change is difficult and it takes time. According to Callahan your best bet is to aim to manage the situation, not reform the bully. Ultimately your company or organization needs to step up to the plate and be a bullying-free employer. If they don’t do this (or seem unwilling to) you may want to consider getting a new job.
How to model anti-bullying behaviour
Lead with empathy. Understanding where people are at – by listening, being curious and building trust – is at the heart of a good business model. Before casting judgment on someone seek to appreciate their point of view and what they’re experiencing. Healthy communities do not agree on everything, but they are not disagreeable places.
It’s about impact, not intention. However positive or funny you intend a comment to be, we measure the impact of our words and behaviour, not their intention. Even if you mean no harm with your words you might make people uncomfortable or hurt them. In short, think before you speak.
Give some space and then check in. When I see someone hurting, it is difficult for me not to come at them at a 110 km/per hour with a whirlwind of good intention. I want to fix the hurt – NOW! This need to get right in their face (regardless of the victim’s wishes) is especially prevalent when I was the one that caused the pain. But sometimes that’s just not the best policy. Some people want space to consider the incident and their reaction to it. They need space and are likely to get defensive (or offensive) if you immediately bring up the hurtful situation. Providing some physical and mental space followed by an open and compassionate “how are you doing?” can be a better way to approach a vulnerable person.
Be careful with your criticism. In work, criticism is often necessary. But for some people, particularly those who are sensitive, criticism (even well-meaning and thoughtful) can be tough to stomach. Sometimes it can even be interpreted as bullying, especially if it is frequent, negative and focused on the character of the person rather than the outcomes of the project. Avoid this by making sure you’re not just complaining about performance but being constructive and supportive of what your colleague is doing right whenever possible.
Be more than a bystander. If you see bullying, and it is safe to do so, exercise judgment and discretion by informing the bully that such behaviour is inappropriate. Sometimes you can do this with an off-hand comment afterwards or even a joke for a more subtle touch. Sometimes you’ll need to be a bit more direct. Regardless don’t let people get away with bad behavior that’s hurting others if you’re in a power position to do something about it.
Image courtesy of CKNW Orphans Fund Pink Shirt Day.