Recap | Busted Brackets

ALEX: The last weekend of college basketball is upon us now. And it’s a melancholy time of year. It seems only yesterday that I was making my picks, full of confidence that this year, I would finally have the chance to showcase the true depth and breath of my hoops IQ. Instead, just like every other year of my life, I’m left scratching my head, and wondering how a school full of Butlers managed to have good enough game to get the Final Four two years running. My hat is off to you tuxedoed gentlemen! Now go fetch me a brandy, Jeeves.

JOHN: What? Who’s there? What’s happening? Oh, it’s you … March Madness. The vile torturer of my imagination and executioner of my hopes and dreams. What do you want? And what’s really left to say? The tournament has been epic and awesome and exciting and upset-riddled and all the bracket-pickers – from pros like Alex and I to amateur mobsters in Vegas and Atlantic City – have been found wanting. I guarantee that there is no one on this Earth that picked this Final Four collection. No number ones? A number 11 playing a number eight seed? Amazing! A team of Butlers?! Even more amazing!

The community of Richmond, Virginia has been going bonkers for two weeks and I wish the fire department in that town the best of luck because, no matter what happens, it seems like some couches are going to get burned.

Predictions | Who Friggin’ Cares?!

ALEX: I’m actually rather proud that I managed to pick 4 out of 4 games incorrectly last week. I went shooting for fish in a barrel, and I managed to blow my own foot off. ANOTHER BRANDY JEEVES!

I’m tickled that either VCU or Butler is going to be in the final, but let me make the prediction that the UNC/Kentucky Elite 8 game was really the championship matchup this year. I think that KU is going to make mincemeat out of UConn, and the dream of the 8 and 11 seeds will end in the final game. I only ask that if it’s Butler that makes it, they not lose again on a 1-millimeter-off desperation heave at the buzzer. One year’s heartbreak like that is enough. Even for the most stoic of house servants.

JOHN: I’m actually proud that Alex picked four out of four games wrong last week! Anyway, I predict that none of these schools will graduate more than 20% of their players. That’s right, I’m going to get political on this one. While the romance, intrigue and balls-out hustle of The Tournament is intoxicating for a Type A wannabe athlete like myself, I can also say that my inner-nerd is troubled by the lack of education that actually goes on in these universities. For example, Kentucky lost, like, five players last year (some graduated, some never went to class and got found out and asked to leave), and yet – here they are – back in the Final Four. It seems as though it doesn’t take as much to build a championship team as it did back in John Wooden’s day. Or maybe I’m just old school because I think school should be about learning first, even if the essence of the entire league is basically a funnel into professional sports.

Anyway, I’m picking VCU and UConn – mainly because it counters Alex’s picks and will give our dwindling readership something feel as we slog it out one…last…time…

[INSERT TRASH TALK HERE]

ALEX: I really am at a loss for words here. It seems pointless to try and berate the kind and gentle Mr. Horn for a month’s worth of terrible picks when I am standing next to a sloshing barrel missing a foot. All I can do is tip my cap at Mr. Horn’s matching March masochism and say I can’t wait to publicly humiliate myself in this forum next year. Until then, let’s wash down the most exciting and wonderful championship in sports with 3 MONTHS of hockey playoffs and (thank the heaven’s) with baseball’s opening day. Titillating!

JOHN: Agreed. Neither of us have any ammunition. Or things to weild ammunition, for that matter. Mr. Grant, you are a gentleman and a scholar and I look forward to said embarrassment again next year. It seems like the only people who don’t lose in this thing are the universities that rake in billions of dollars in ticket sales and jersey revenue (while not having to pay salaries to players) – everyone else seems to lose something. For me, it was Canadian pride. So there it is. Over. Done. Et c’est la vie!

Also, baseball is a sport like chess is a sport. In that it’s a game. One played with steroids.Your move, Grant.

Robin’s Chitter Chatter

Robin is half  asleep on the couch, brimming with key lime pie, but I asked her to sum up this year’s crazy March Madness in one sentence. She says, “Roll Tide.”