I think that we need to disrupt our social networks by thinking of and engaging with other people. Wharton super-professor Adam Grant recently tweeted that what actually drives prejudice is “in-group love, not out-group hate”. We need to engage and connect with others, but for so many of us doing feels more like a collision than a conversation. Talking to folks who see the world differently than us feels uncomfortable, takes a lot of time and might not get the results we want (like having others adopt our values or point of view). I’ve always loved clashing of worlds. Here are five ways to create positive community collisions.
Community Collisions
Most prejudice is driven by in-group love, not out-group hate.
To build bridges, we need to teach allophilia: love of the other.#WEF18— Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant) January 26, 2018
Talk to strangers
You should talk to strangers because when we know each other, human beings espouse more empathy and trust, share resources, and help out during tough (or tragic) times. Genuinely caring about the people around you might change your perspective about how you travel and what you buy. When you know your neighbours and feel a connection to them you are more likely to borrow a power drill, books or butter than buy such things brand new, thus reducing the amount of stuff in the world. Sometimes these conversations can take a turn for the absurd or touch on a principle or idea that you strongly disagree with. Check your judgment and try to seek or at the very least understand their perspective rather than dismiss it.
Host dinner parties
You should host dinner parties because people connect over food even if the food is the only thing they can agree on. I’ve always loved big, loud, noisy, and chaotic dinner parties, as these celebrations of food, drink, friends and family were – and still are – a huge part of my upbringing and my life today. And when it comes to throwing successful dinner parties (big or intimate), professional-relationship-building guru Keith Ferrazzi recommends that you take your inspiration from the most awesome family dinner that you’ve ever experienced. Great communities are comprised of folks who genuinely want to connect with others, as opposed to being driven by the artifice of professional success.
Cheer for a sports team
You should cheer for a sports team because sports are probably the only thing left that folks who see the world differently can cheer for. Great communities are resilient ones. That’s why I love the cheer “we always win two-one” after our team gives up the game’s first goal. An important metric of individual and organizational well-being is the ability to bounce back from a bad day. Resilience is essential if you want to thrive in the workplace and having a more resilient global financial system will help us to avoid another near-collapse like the one in 2008.
Any fan of sport knows the crushing, gut-wrenching feeling that comes with a late-game collapse that results in your team’s two goal lead evaporating or their season ending. Being able to stay standing and sing as loudly as ever requires collective commitment.
Run for an elected position
You should run for an elected position because you probably won’t agree with all the views, ideas or yelling from your constituents. According to my collaborator, Kurt, “for the candidate, it can be an isolating experience. They are meeting loads of new people, but often in very superficial ways. Plus it is exhausting to always be ‘on’.” Whether you’re running for a school board position or student council president, understanding the needs of your community gets easier after the first few awkward collisions.
Blow up small talk
You should blow up small talk because nobody cares about the weather and most of us secretly crave conversations about big ideas! Once a month I chair a committee call for a national charity. Like good Canadians we typically begin our conversation with small talk about the weather and how it’s different across the country. When I find myself talking about weather or real estate (classic Vancouver small talk), one of my moves is to connect the conversation to a big idea, such as climate change or housing policy. In addition to being thought provoking, this method of what Chris Colin and Rob Baedeker call “mirror-breaking” positively disrupts the rhythm of the conversation so that it’s more interesting. At scale, this approach could also change behaviour in ways that result in fewer icebergs the size of Nova Scotia breaking off of Antarctica because everyone in the conversation has learned something new and impactful.
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This article was originally posted on February 21, 2018 – it holds up super-well!