It happens from time to time. Your partner comes home from work defeated. A project went off the rails, they failed to hit their annual target, or were fired after making a big mistake that cost their organization big bucks. In situations like these, being empathetic and supportive becomes all the more important. But as new research shows the positive support you think you are giving can have negative psychological effects on your partner. Here are five ways to support a partner in professional trouble.
Give the gift of time
In moments of chaos and crisis one of the hardest thing to find is time. Even if you have time, sometimes you don’t realize it because your mind is so wrapped up in the issue. To support your partner, a good first step is to consider how you can give them more time, thereby allowing them to process their issue and (hopefully) begin moving towards a solution. Giving them time might mean taking an extra shift of baby care, cooking a good meal (or ordering in) or running a few errands for them. Or maybe it means giving them a mental break by teeing up their favourite Netflix show, taking them out for a drink or convincing them to get outside for a nice refreshing walk or run. Regardless, creating mental space for them to process the issue is a great first step.
Front load with listening
Your perspective and opinions are relevant and important, but in the initial hours of crisis, what most people want is to have an empathetic sounding board. Good listening requires analysis and empathy. We’ve written all about it. Make sure you are showing your partner you are listening to them by being present, accurately summarizing what you hear, and asking great questions to help them find the answers they need (or just to let them vent).
Have future focus
During a particularly traumatic incident, it can seem hard to imagine how this won’t alter your life and career for decades to come. However, this is obviously rarely the case. In times of extreme stress I find it helpful to force myself to consider whether I’ll be obsessing about the issue at hand one year from now. Usually the answer is no. This realization helps me look out and beyond to a place where the grass is definitely greener.
Know your role
In really difficult situations it is important to consider that you might not be in the best position to help your partner get through their challenge. Sure, you are undoubtedly the best person to support them, but there may be specialists that are better equipped to help them problem solve. Career coaches, therapists, a different friend or colleague can all bring different tools to the table. Consider if there’s someone else that your partner should be speaking with and find a way to connect them.
Do a little thing (or two)
If this is your partner, you’ve probably already got the inside track on little things you can do to make them happy. For my wife, that might be getting her a milkshake, flowers or teeing up the latest Game of Thrones episode. For your husband or wife, it might be something different. But whatever it is, think about cultivating a little bit of happiness and joy in the sorrow with a well-timed gift or service.