It’s happened to all of us. During a heated conversation with a colleague, friend or loved one, they say something that’s not only wrong but completely infuriating. You might even get so pissed off, it’s hard to contain an eruption towards them about how big an idiot they are. That’s because you’ve been triggered.
Triggering is connected to experiences stretching all the way back to adolescence. Everyone’s triggers are different. Here’s what leadership gurus Robert Gaas and Judith Ansara say in their Art of Leadership text:
“Some seemingly minor offhand comment by a leader may trigger a lifetime of rage at authority figures dating back to childhood…To others the provocation may appear slight, but to the person who is triggered, physiologically and emotionally their body literally responds as if their life were in physical danger.”
Fortunately, according to Gaas and Ansara, there’s plenty that you can do to prevent, identify and respond to potential triggers around you.
Be Aware of Your Surroundings
Like Batman, it’s important to be mindful of your surroundings. The first step is to be aware of the time and place where you’re planning to discuss something that could be controversial or challenging for people. If it’s late in the day, your team is tired or stressed from a big project, it might be best to wait for another more opportune time.
Be Mindful how you Frame the Issue
Take the time to provide context on a touchy subject and intentionally think about how others may interpret your words and how you’re framing the issue. Context means everything in a potentially volatile situation. Maybe there’s a better way of saying what needs to be said that’ll be less traumatic for your audience. If need be, consider inoculating the team by directly addressing what you suspect to be sensitive to certain individuals and acknowledge you know how difficult it can be for them to deal with this issue.
If you’ve done all of this and you’re still seeing an inordinately strong and emotional reaction to your conversation, never fear – Gaas and Ansara have you covered here as well.
Create Space
Sometimes when we witness someone overreacting, we want to immediately correct the issue: explain, intervene or convince them that they’re being triggered and therefore what they’re saying is irrational or irrelevant. Wrong answer, McFly. Instead, take some space, call a break and give the person some time to come to terms with their emotions. Creating both physical and physiological space is a good way to simmer everyone down and avoid everyone’s triggers.
Create Connection and Listen
Genuinely hearing someone and trying to understand their perspective is a good way of defusing the emotion of a trigger. That means listening, validating and creating a safe and respectful environment where you aren’t just letting the person vent, but really hearing what they are saying. According to Gaas and Ansara, don’t mistake hearing someone with agreeing with them. One isn’t necessarily the same as the other.
Photo courtesy of Wendy