How we care for the elderly in our society very much defines ourselves as a community. Yet also, how we care about those who care. People in nursing professions who usually just make ends meet financially, and relatives who deal with the decrepitude of their own parents / and or loved ones. Sometimes under great pressure trying to deal with both their professional life and the fact that someone lives with them or close to them, who simply became too old in order to look after him- or herself.
How does the Gumboot-tribe arrive at this topic? Well, simply because it became a personal issue to me. Recently, my gran left us. She was 95 years old when she died, and I can assure you: Especially the last year of her life wasn’t too good. It was not that she was sick, she was simply old. But old age in the end works like a slow disease, and during the last weeks she was barely able to get out of bed, let alone speak.
My grandma, Hildegard Krause, who recently passed away.
Yet the true issue was this: Most of the work rested on my mom’s shoulders, who is also 67 years old by now. Of course, we had a nursing service who came in the mornings and evenings, but still, those are expensive, and the workload they do is limited, because our state nursing insurance plans don’t allow for much extras. So apart from washing and dressing gran, getting her through the day was my mom’s business. It’s just lucky mom’s always been a hausfrau (my parents are from that generation when that was the way – and when you could live decently on one salary), because if she’d still had a job, which would’ve been quite possible, had she been ten years younger… then things would’ve gotten tricky.
I’m glad that both my grandmothers lived out their days at home. But I also know that especially my mom payed a price for it. When my dad’s mother started to not be so well, mom was fifteen years younger, and dad could help her more (he had multiple heart surgery last year, so during gran’s last year now, he couldn’t help out that much). And well… apart from the fact that both my sis and I work a lot, my mom simply didn’t want us to help more than necessary. Stubborn generation, these people born in the 1940ies…
We all want to get old, but no-one wants to be disabled by his own Biblical age. In a global society dominated by a
German comment in cartoon: “Thanks to the new gymnastics program for our nursing staff we were able to cut our costs by two thirds.”
youth-cult unrivalled in history, the issues of ageing and caring for nursing cases are often swept aside, ignored, not deemed as tasteful input for conversation at cocktail parties.
And so, it happens often with the aged: They end up in a home, locked away (more or less) and forgotten (well, most certainly).
It ends boils down to a quote from Brit-rockers Pulp: “Help the aged, one time they were just like you, drinking,
Regardless of what other people say: Soylent Green is NOT the solution.
smoking cigs and sniffing glue…” I wonder sometimes who will take care of our generation, when we’re REALLY old. Like, hm, our countries don’t have any youth bulge for real, the age pyramid will soon rest on its top. And certainly, we don’t want to go Soylent Green (if someone remembers that classic SF-movie).
Germany is facing huge difficulties this way. Until 2030, the number of nursing cases will rise by 50 percent. Stationary hospital treatments will also increase, some German politicians are already warning that our federal health care and nursing systems may collapse. Demographic change is definitely not working in a favourable way here, and I am quite sure it’s the same in Canada.
I don’t have the answer. Do you? One thing is sure: Just constructing new approaches around insurance and financial questions won’t be the solution. In Germany, a lot of municipalities are experimenting on alternative ways of having people live together. I guess in North America there is probably something parallel going on to our multi generation-house movement here. Basically, we need to recreate the multi generation households that were normal in the then larger families up to WW2. Because after that, the cookie started to crumble for various reasons that we’re probably all aware of and need not go into here because that would lead too far
The Jedi nursery service: Not quite what Luke Skywalker expected.
now to be debated in this article. How do we deal with this? Preserve individualism and the lifestyle we all want (which may differ greatly) while still having solidarity amongst the younger and older generations? I’m afraid most of us will have to make their minds up about this during the next three decades – because of our own parents, and because we will be the best agers and silver surfers then, on the brink of turning into Yodas…
Peter, sorry that it took me so long to comment on this post.
My family is going through this with all three of our grannies – one lives with my mother and father in law in their home; one lives by herself but needs a lot of help getting around town; and the other simply cannot take care of herself – she is currently laid up in the hospital.
The problems are myriad in nature. Inadequate service in her seniors home (they canceled breakfast, reduced laundry service and stuff the old folks full of cheap, cheap carbohydrates). This horrid level of service is best evidenced by a story from a few months ago: my grandma was having trouble breathing, so she called 911 for an ambulance; the night watchperson (there was only one) went outside to flag down the ambulance – only problem was that he forgot his keys and locked himself out of the building. So, barely breathing, my grandma crawled to the front door, opened it for the paramedics and then finally got on the stretcher and was wheeled into the ambulance and driven to the hospital. Really?! This kind of thing can happen?!
And that is just one example from my grandma’s seniors complex – my parents seem to take part in bi-monthly battles with the company that runs the complex, the Vancouver Island Health Authority and our Member of the Legislative Assembly to try and make things right, but it is slow going. And this is without taking into account succession planning and future strategies for dealing with an aging population – yes, we’re screwed!
What underscores all of this – and this is certainly a trait with all three of my grandmas – is the unwillingness to change or adapt. They like things the way they are/were and ain’t nuthin’ gonna change that! Harrumphf! In fact, Michelle and I were having dinner with my Aunt and Uncle (60 and 62 respectively) and they both said, “I hope that we behave better than our parents are/did and that we remember how we want to be treated when we’re dealing with our children.” And then we came up with the idea of filming a video so that the 60-year-old person can remind the 85-year-old person about the plan to behave properly. Coming from yourself, it might make a difference!
So, no. We are not prepared on personal, familial or societal levels for the coming age-crisis. But, hey, our generation has a lot of problems to solve – let’s just add this one to the freakin’ list.
Powerful stuff, Peter. I thank you for it.
Hey John! You’re welcome. Good to know I didn’t just get on everybody’s nerve with this. It’s just… powerful stuff. The video-reminder is something I’ll definitely suggest to my parents (67 and 75). I can really relate to the way this whole business is going for your family. Let’s just hope the ways in which we define and live community will ameliorate this whole batch of problems within the next few decades!