I just finished watching a very awesome TEDx Talk by Brene Brown, who is Research Professor at the University of Houston’s Graduate College of Social Work. As a self-described Storyteller – though she admittedly downplays this colloquial title in the academic community – Professor Brown’s talk is all about what it takes to create and inspire connective communities.
And at the centre of it all is the concept of vulnerability. And how being vulnerable creates authenticity. And how this inspires a sense of worthiness. And how this reflects a need for love and belonging. And how this is achieved through connectiveness between people and our communities.
To say it’s worth 20 minutes of your time is a bit of an understatement.
Enjoy!
One of the most compelling parts of the talk – and certainly something that resonated with me – is the point about how we humans numb our sense of vulnerability. Here’s a list of some things that make us vulnerable:
- Being turned down for a date
- Not getting that job or promotion or being laid off
- Saying “I love you” – oh those three terrifying words – and hearing “thanks…” in return
- Having a great idea rejected
- Knowing that a bunch of people were invited somewhere cool and you weren’t
Professor Brown also acknowledges – with sorta scary matter-o-fact-ness – that we North Americans are the most in debt, obese, addicted, and medicated population in the history of populations. And her argument is that we do these things to numb our vulnerability. “We have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin,” is what she says.
The sad thing is that, while we numb pain, we also numb joy, gratitude and happiness. And we try to impose structure and certainty on uncertain things as we strive to achieve an unachievable perfection and then blame others for when they don’t share our vision of certainty or challenge and/or sacrifice our idea of perfection. Look no further than the blaming and mean-spirited tone of our modern political theatre for proof of our collective choice of shouting certainty instead of discussing ideas.
“I am enough.” This is the message on the presentation’s final slide.
As our communities practice joy, gratitude and happiness – rather than pretending, blaming and numbing ourselves – we can showcase the wonderful idea of “wholehearted people” who inspire courage, compassion and connection because of our authentic embrace of vulnerability.
Sure, we are enough. But only if we own who we are. Especially the parts we’re kinda sorta scared of. For example, I’m vulnerable for the following reasons:
- I need to be liked, which makes tough-decision-making hard.
- I can’t do math or use Excel and these things are important business tools.
- I can’t stand silence or tense moments and use humour to fill gaps, which is often inappropriate, probably reflective of awkwardness/pain-numbing, and definitely inauthentic.
Luckily, I’m pretty good at admitting when I’m wrong and owning my mistakes. And I continually strive to be genuine. Such things, however, are incongruently matched with my love of banana nut muffins and delicious beer.
Crap.
Jokes defend vulnerability yet again!
The thing is, I like being myself. Besides, everyone else is already taken.