Nobody left the pitch happy on Wednesday night. Not the Turfinators (they lost 2-1). Not Octopi Vancouver (they/we should’ve won 8-0). Not the UrbanRec official (Octopi may have lost its sportsmanship award).

Many of the Octopi team members – except Jen, Jess and Nicole, whose positive energy and team spirit were awesome and semi-contagious – left the field in angry states that truly ran the gamut of sensation; from Erin Loxam’s “we could’ve done a lot better” to my yelling in the car on the way home things like “I had the whole right side of the net wide open and shot it right at the goalie because I’m an idiot” and “those guys couldn’t control their bodies and almost hurt a lot of people with their goonish awkwardness.”

But enough about that. What about the soccer football?

Roger Hosking started the scoring on a one-timer – which was also a cracker – off a gorgeous heel-pass from centre-midfielder and Architect at Large, Stewart Burgess. The onion bag bulged and Octopi got off to a fast start.

The Turfinators answered back quickly, as White Socks – their one All-Star-caliber player – weaved his way through our entire side and then sniped a perfect snipe into the top corner of League MVP David Willinsky’s goal. Colanders contain water better than our team’s collective defensive effort contained White Socks on that play..

The next 20-30 minutes unfolded as an exercise in goal-mouth futility for the Octopi side, who had no fewer than 87 exceptional scoring chances that unfolded not as goals, but as near misses, huge misses, incredible misses, goal-post-bounce-offs, shots right at the goalie, shots right at the sideline, shots right into the sprawling legs of defenders, and, yes, shots backwards, too.

Luckily, the team’s savior, Roger Hosking, came to the rescue with a well-timed strike that beat the Turfinator keeper with ease – Roger did a neat thing by not shooting the ball 10 meters wide or right at the goalie. Well done, good sir.

By the end of the evening, the Turfinators’ unintentionally chippy play (they put me on my butt at least five times and absolutely flattened our star striker Erin Loxam) and Octopi’s collective inability to put more balls in the back of the net resulted in the vocal presentation of some heated and biting feedback at the opposition players and an UrbanRec official that may or may not have come from the author of this blog post.

Allow me to stand on my soap box for just a moment: players and officials, when an emotional competitor who frustratingly underachieved during the game and is upset with himself apologizes to you for his inappropriate behaviour, don’t tell him to keep his mouth shut and then say something else that can’t be repeated on this blog. A happy and healthy community this does not build. At the end of the day, it’s just sports!

Oh, one last thing. League MVP and Vancouver Whitecaps back-up goalie, David Willinsky, also made a win-saving stop with about 10 seconds to go in the match. Amazing.

Editor’s note: a special thanks to Jen for her enduring positivity – as I reflected on my life choices and poor performance at 2AM on Thursday morning, your kind words and enlightened spirit made my frustration melt away.