Tension drives growth and it also fuels frustration.
While tension often gets a bad rap, the right kind of tension is hugely beneficial for building new skills, expanding trust, and collective problem solving. If we believe that our best relationships in work and life generate friction, then it makes sense that tension isn’t just good, it’s also necessary for human development.
Good tension is the stuff that helps us grow. Think about learning a new skill, like simple prompt engineering, playing the trombone, or practicing and applying a new defensive tactic as a team. Struggling makes us feel ridiculous, even frustrated, but that little spark of tension motivates us to keep trying, failing, learning, and trying again. Another example is opening up to a friend about something important. Sure, it’s awkward and nerve-racking to show vulnerability to someone, but showing trust creates deeper connections and, get this, generates even more trust.
On the other hand, bad tension is a villain in our daily lives. Relentless criticism, toxic positivity (“show support of the product, everything’s fine!” even though everyone knows its a dud…), or bullying can erode confidence in the most resilient people. These situations don’t inspire growth; they shut us down and make us want to Netflix and chill (which is a practice that is so easy that it generates zero good tension).
When we feel tension we should check-in with ourselves. Is it pushing you to become a better version of yourself, or just making you want to take a sad nap? With a little tinkering or course-correcting we can manage, direct, and channel tension to expand skills, relationships, and how we grow from experiences.
