After publishing an article about the profound benefits of friendship (it enhances everything from well-being to professional success), I received some feedback that folks wanted to learn more about how to make friends. In 2013, Lifeboat uncovered “the friendship crisis” rocking North America – in short, people are not satisfied or confident in their friendships. I just spent a weekend in the woods camping with many of my best friends and our kids, so reflecting on what it takes to forge lifelong-lasting friendships is on my mind. Here is the one thing you need to know about making friends.
How to make friends
It’s unlikely that perpetually adding to a bursting and bustling social network will feed your soul as well as a handful of in-person relationships, because human beings can only handle about 100 connections effective. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you strive to build a community of friends:
- Be yourself, because trying to be someone else never works.
- Be loyal, because it’s literally one of the most important tenets of friendship according to people.
- Be risk-tolerant, because friends should help you feel comfortable with being uncomfortable.
- Be interested, because we grow by finding common ground within different viewpoints.
- Be picky, because you’re awesome and you should be friends with people make you think and feel great vibes (limit the people in your life who suck your energy and bring you down).
The one thing you need to know
Goodness – like, being a good person – is what attracts friends. People also want their friends to be loyal and interesting, but these traits come way behind the simple desire for our friends to be good people, which means that making friends gets easier when you give good things to your community. Folks who share their goodness with others spread around positive energy, happiness, motivation, and even career success, which is why people like hanging out with ‘em.
I’ve had students raise the capability of their cohort by sharing incredible notes with the entire class, listened to friends and colleagues as they espoused why personal relationships were crumbling, thanked kids/parents who brought homemade holiday gifts for the entire daycare, and smiled because of buddies who covered the post-work-drinks tab without fuss or fan fair. There are simple things that you can do every day to bring goodness into the world and, according to science, an outcome of this behaviour will be friendships.