Over the last few weeks my inbox and social feeds have been peppered (if not flooded) with articles and videos chock full of advice for twentysomethings. A lot of potential can be harnessed during this decade of discovery and I can’t say that many of the authors, gurus and thinkers got it wrong – yes, twentysomethings should develop good habits, try lots of things, and understand how money works. From my perspective, though, the one thing you need to learn in your twenties is how to make friends.
Why friendship is so important
Human beings are different than every other species on the planet because of our ability to cooperate. Everything that you need to know about cooperating, collaborating and harnessing complex relationships to create value for communities can be learned through friendship.
Making friends builds all sorts of important skills and uncovers personal values, too. Accepting an invitation to a party or joining a team without knowing anyone can be scary, which cultivates important skills like vulnerability and risk-taking. Understanding how your values intersect or bristle with a friend’s is best achieved through open listening, curiosity and direct conversations, all of which are critical abilities to possess in our work and life. Friends are also some of the folks with whom you will develop awesome empathy and persuasion skills, too – in one evening you could be supporting a heartbroken buddy and then selling them on an adventurous outing designed to shift their perspective and see other possibilities in the world.
Friends are mentors, coaches, brainstormers, and scientists that can help you develop knowledge, skills and networks through the experiences, advice and role-modelling that they expose you to and engage you in.
Having a community of close friends can enhance longevity and mental resilience, too, because social learning, not crossword puzzles or Minecraft, is what challenges and sharpens our minds. Study after study highlights the connection between friendships and longevity, happiness and well-being. In fact, one of the top regrets of people on their deathbeds is that they wished they’d spend more time with friends.
If there is one thing that you – or a twentysomething you know – develops in the decade after high school make it the ability to build a community of good friends.