[Editor’s Note: on Tuesday night, Theodora Lamb and I were sharing a few beers and watching hockey. We talked about non-hockey things in between periods. One of the things we talked about was the Royal Wedding. Even though more than 75% of Canadians do not care about said wedding, the national media just keep cramming images of balding princes and crooked teeth down our colonial gullets. And last night Theo donned a fancy hat and went over to a girlfriend’s house at 2AM to watch the wedding live. Theo is going to tell you why this happened. And then I’m going to respond with three reasons why her wedding in February 2012 is more important to Canada than the Royal Wedding ever could be].

Why I Watched the Royal Wedding

Two hours into the royal nuptials party I attended, there was a collective sigh around the room when the newly married Prince William and now Princess Kate stepped out into the natural light at Westminster Abbey and waved to the crowd. All that was missing were Disney’s singing blue birds, descending from the sky, come to raise her gossamer veil.

A fairy tale wedding, indeed.

An estimated two billion people watched the royal wedding this morning. I was one of them. As John explained in the introduction, the two of us talked royal nuptials over beers in front of game seven, round one of the Stanley Cup with the Vancouver Canucks a couple of nights ago and I remember turning red when I explained that I was getting up at 2 am to watch the wedding.

The funny thing is, a Royal Wedding is a lot like watching a live sporting event. It’s an opportunity to come together with friends over good food, good drink, great conversation and live entertainment happening right before your eyes. And even though there was no underdog (I’m not talking about Camilla) and the outcome was in the bag, the dress, the process, the guests, the pitch of her voice as she replied “I will” and the look in his eyes when he whispered “you look beautiful” after her veil was lifted amount to well-executed story, moment for moment.

I don’t expect to convince John why he should care about the wedding. I do (no pun intended) however hope that my interest and desire to watch an event that captured the attention of a little less than one third of the planet’s population is understand. More than the wedding itself, I wanted to be with a group of people (women, in this case) talking about a story unveiling right before our eyes, as if we had a stake in the event. Like a fan watching their team play in the Stanley Cup playoffs, I watched Will and Kate say “I do” with the delight of a person who knows, twenty years from now, I’ll have my own story to tell about where I was and what I was doing the morning Kate and William were married.

Also, I’m currently planning my own wedding and I like to think the moments I mentioned above are a kind of foreshadowing to the elements that will contribute to our story (mine and Gumboot editor, Kurt Heinrich), y’know, without the billions of guests, living trees in Westminster Abbey and Posh spice in pill box hat.

Happy Trails, Will and Kate!

Three Reasons Theo’s Wedding is Better

1. Theo and Kurt are Canadian.True story. Theo and her husband-to-be, Kurt Heinrich, are both from this country and they will both contribute to it’s local, regional and national communities over the next century decades. Unlike the scandalous Royals, there’s no family drama with the Lamrichs, either.

2. Better Guest List. People are coming from just as far away and from just as many countries as the guests of the Royal Wedding. And there are a few key “wins” to discuss on the Lamrich side of this debate. Maxwell Lamb is cooler and a better singer/songwriter than Elton John. Julian Christians can juggle fire, his wife is a Scottish Comedian-Chef-Marathon-Adventurer, and their daughter might be the cutest baby on Earth. Oh, and Lord Hashbrown of Skipper is delivering the ceremony. What do you have, Will and Kate? An Archbishop who flunked outta Hashbrown Academy? That’s what I thought.

3. Fancier Hats. Most of the pre-Royal-Wedding talk has surrounded the topic of fancy hats. Personally, I own over 5,129 different hats, toques, wraps, headbands, and tunics. Some provide shade, others style. None are matched by the pompy, circumstancy hats of the British Elite – I mean, there’s just a stylistic box that people just aren’t allowed to step outside of. Maybe David Bowie could, but he’s coming to Theo’s wedding, too, so it’s a wash.

SPECIAL BONUS REASON. John Horn is the Emcee of the Lamrich Wedding Reception. His tasteful, inclusive humour will go over with a multi-generational, inter-cultural audience way better than Ali G’s “jokes” – also, I assume Ali G will be hosting the Royal Wedding Reception.

So there it is. Some clear-cut reasons for why Canada’s national media have wasted countless human, natural and financial capital to spew propaganda about an event that has nothing to do with our community.

Still, I hope that you had a good time at the event, Theo. Did you pick up any tips?