Great leaders – the ones who can really get the best out of people – understand the importance of working with folks holistically. It’s essential to treat people as human beings, not just employees, because human beings get pushed on the subway, dumped by a jerk, surprised by a best friend, and have their poetry published. Nancy Rothard’s recent HBR article about the impact that a person’s morning mood has on their day got me thinking about how to embrace peoples’ moods in order to be of great service to them. Here are three ways to make someone’s day.
Listen deeply
Whether you’re smiling at a colleague’s story about a fun camping trip or nodding sympathetically at a grumpy toddler, deeply and authentically understanding a person’s experience requires exceptional listening. Too often we try to jump into a troubling conversation with solutions when all we need to do is spend time empathetically listening to why the top of the watering can falling off of the balconny is a calamity the likes of which no one in the history of everything has ever endured (this may or may not have happened with my son last weekend).
Match their energy
One of Rathford’s findings was that employees who started the day off in a bad mood actually saw their attitude become a bit more positive after an interaction with a customer who was also in a bad mood. The important takeaway here is that when you interact with someone who is elated about a new boyfriend or had a sad experience before work you shouldn’t cheer them up or caution their enthusiasm. This is something that I really struggle with. I’m a very positive and enthusiastic person and often try to make others happy by spreading around my happy energy. To be a more connective community builder I’m learning to empathize with folks and meet them on their terms; for example, if a colleague is upset about their teenage daughter’s behavior I respond with a line like, “that must be hard, tell me more” instead of, “hey, it’ll be okay; she won’t be a teenager forever!”
Give something
Adam Grant argues that people who are generous with their time, money and connections achieve more success than folks who trade favours or straight-up take things from others without giving back. In a feature on Grant, Seth Stevenson highlights a key quality that puts “Givers” ahead: “Givers share credit without demanding any in return, which spurs co-workers to flock to their projects. Their generosity earns them deep and lasting respect, which translates into potency.” According to Grant, connecting two people is one of the simplest ways that we can make someone’s day. Here’s how he does it. If an introduction isn’t what your friend, colleague or child needs to have a great day, think about sharing a bit more of your time to help them talk through a problem or simply buy them a cup of coffee or tea. My colleague, Lisa, and I drink the same kind of coffee and it is an easy thing for me to just get two of my order and then surprise her with a nice treat, which usually turns into a cool conversation about how we work together (or something cooler, like Star Trek!).