A lot of us are taking losses these days. For many people and communities on the margins these losses might mean eviction, acceleration into poverty, or death. Many more folks in our communities have lost their job, failed their first exam, or are facing precarious work the likes of which we’ve never experienced. The WNBA, NBA, MLB, NHL, and MLS professional sports leagues have wrapped-up (or are nearing the end) of their seasons – only one team can win at the end of the season so these professionals are uniquely positioned to espouse on what it means to lose in our work and life. Here are three ways sports teach us to manage disappointment.
Beware the disease of more
Miami Heat President, Pat Riley, has won six championships as a coach and one as a player. He’s famous for his hair and for coining the phrase “the disease of more”, which “explains why teams who win championships are often ultimately dethroned, not by other, better teams, but by forces from within the organization itself.” Mark Manson also notes that players, like most people, want more; at first this might be a championship, but soon that might be enough. More playing time, more touches of the ball, more money, more endorsements and accolades, and more attention eventually erodes the chemistry and trust of winning teams. Egos, greed, and growth at all costs take over.
These days, it’s important to take care of ourselves – when we take a loss it stings a bit more. I think this should also be balanced with serving our teams and communities, too. This is an opportunity to work co-operatively and to win together.
Feel feelings
Losing sucks. Human being won’t always acknowledge such a thing because it’s uncomfortable. Many of us are conditioned to expect positive results in our work and life. Oftentimes we try to move through disappointment by ignoring sadness, rationalizing a failure, or aspiring for positive feelings right away. Instead, we should seek out disappointment and criticism so that we can get more comfortable with the feelings that come with it. When we ask for feedback and authentically lean into the suck, we emerge from the experience stronger than before.
One of my favorite things in sports is when a player from the losing team stays on the court to watch their opponents celebrate and soak in the joy of others (or soak up the pain of losing). “The first thing to do with pain is to let yourself feel it,” argues HBR’s Ron Carucci. “The heartache of rejection is a signal you are grieving the loss of something you wanted badly.” When we suppress the pain, it will undoubtedly return to destroy you later.
Move forward
Resilience isn’t measured by how well someone endures hardship. It’s measured by how effectively we bounce back from hard times. “Resilience is defined as the psychological capacity to adapt to stressful circumstances and to bounce back from adverse events,” says Psychology Today’s Shahram Heshmat. “Resilience is considered a process to build resources toward searching for a better future after potentially traumatic events.”
One of the loneliest places in sports is between the pipes of a goal. Whether it’s hockey, football or, I dunno, let’s say lacrosse, when you let in a bunch of goals – or the winning goal – it can be gut-wrenching. That’s why goalies have short memories and train their brains to accept what happened, bounce back, and more forward with resilience. Here are some steps you can take to move forward with resilience when you take a loss.