Valentines Day is coming up and you will probably have a few conversations about love in the days ahead. I think that we need to be having more conversations about love at work because there are profound benefits when it comes to shaping work into roles so that people genuinely love what they do. We’re also more engaged when we love – like, professionally love – the people with whom we work. Here are three ways to lead with love in your work and life.
Wait what? Love at work?!
Over five years ago Jessica Amortegui wrote an incredible piece for Fulfillment Daily about the profound benefits of love at work. Here’s why, according to science, love in the workplace leads to health and success:
The biochemistry of love has uncovered dramatic new evidence into the link between trust and a chemical called oxytocin, nicknamed by some the “love hormone.” Over the past decade, oxytocin has been studied extensively by Paul Zak, professor of economics and the founding director of the Center for Neuroeconomics Studies at Claremont Graduate University. Zak has conducted multiple laboratory studies showing that when someone’s level of oxytocin goes up, he or she becomes significantly more trusting of others. His most surprising finding is that these effects are bi-directional. In other words, when a person extends himself to another in a trusting way, the person being trusted experiences a surge in oxytocin as well. The result is a fortuitous upward spiral of increasingly trustworthy behavior (not to mention increased well-being!).
My favourite takeaway from the article: “when managers express micro-moments of love they can’t help but create a gravitational force that draws others in.” Needless to say, when we love our work and love the people we’re working with good things happen. Here’s how to lead with love on your team and in your community.
Make it safe
Communities thrive when they are safe. Employees are more likely to be engaged and deliver results for an enterprise when psychological safety exists. When managers and teammates meet failure with celebration and when folks are comfortable with the uncomfortableness of vulnerability then people trust each other, get shit done, and probably express more love, too. It’s easier to fall in love with work and your colleagues when blame is replaced with curiosity and disagreeing with the boss is so valued that it’s expected.
Kindness = Directness
Something that I love about my wife, my kids and my best friends is that they are direct with me. Even when it hurts in the moment, radical candor is usually followed by reflection and growth because it comes from a caring place. One of the benefits of love at work is that real conversations – even difficult ones – are more fluid and frequent. Leading with love means constantly asking for feedback and pressing colleagues to be more direct with criticism, curiosity and praise.
Praise awesomely
Most people aren’t very good at giving compliments or praising work (everyone thinks they are, though). When you really love a piece of work it is easy to be specific and concrete with your acknowledgement. I recently praised a colleague, Kathryn, for her resilience and openness in taking a lot of questions and criticisms, change a really good design that her and I created, and compromise based on kinda surprising needs from a partner. Not only were we in the work together, but I was also super intentional in terms of how I praised the way she showed up and the value of the work she put in. People love specificity, especially when we’re telling them what we love about their work, style and contributions.
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This article was originally published on February 12, 2020