As a working dad, adaptability and resiliency are key competencies that I use every single day. What follows is what I’d like to offer by way of insight and advice for people who are striving to reach their parenting potential!
It’s Saturday, 12:45 in the afternoon. I’m writing this on my phone while my daughter takes a really long and totally unexpected nap in the backseat. My grand plans to put her to sleep at home, and settle into the couch laptop and tea in hand have evaporated. I just can’t take the risk of the perilous “Transfer” going awry. An afternoon of crankiness just isn’t worth it. Nope, I’ll wait this one out, thank you very much. When it comes to happy kids, napping is essential.
To make my situation a bit less tedious, I’m pretending I’m a like a cop on stake out duty. (A cop that drives a Volkswagen, wears Campers, is nibbling on baby rice crackers instead of donuts, and blogging instead of scheming on how to take down the Barksdale crew).
Another way to adapt to this afternoon’s curveball is to recline my seat, turn up the CBC just a wee bit and use the time to punch out this post.
For any passerby, me, the car, the baby, is a vignette into the unpredictability that defines parenting. My schedule can change because of behavioral whims and the twists and turns of early childhood development. Sure, we have some control (small “c”), but on the whole it is they who call most of the shots. Adaptation is the thing that we parents can rely upon to thrive during sticky situations like this one. With a two-year-old and with another one on the way, I’m learned that adapting to what my daughter’s wants and needs is good both for her and for me – on all existential levels.
Look at me right now. Relaxing in the driver’s seat, windows down, seat reclined – I’m pretty happy and so is my daughter. I’m Improvising. Making do. Going with the flow. Sounds a bit clichéd – but this is what defines parenting for me. Adaptation is the Darwinian “Go-to” item in my ever-evolving parenting toolkit.
To illustrate how crucial adaptation is to me as a parent – here are a few anecdotal examples:
| Status Quo | Upheaval Moment | Adaptation Tactic | Outcome |
| Daughter happy to be put down in crib and sings herself to sleep | Parents go to Vegas. Daughter stays with grandparents for 72 hours. Daughter returns with pathological terror of cribs in general. | Read books, Good Night Gorilla, The Story of Babar, and Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham till she falls asleep on the couch – sneakily make up new story lines to keep books interesting. Stealthily “Transfer” daughter to crib later. | Bed routine now twice as long. Dad knows every kids book off by heart. Daughter is happy. |
| Daughter apparently finished teething at 20 months. | Starts teething again full on at 24 months. | Buy beer and apples to help with teething pains (beer for dad; apples for baby) | Dad knows more about craft beers and daughter’s vitamin C count goes through the roof. |
| Daughter too small to enjoy or tolerate buses and sky trains | Daughter gets bigger and develops fondness (obsession) for all that is mass transit. | Dad takes daughter on ever-more involved transit journeys. | Daughter stimulated and amused. Dad can now more easily visit his friends in East Van |
| Daughter wears diapers. | Daughter decides from one day to next that diapers are lame and demeaning. | Remove carpets; adopt Zen attitude to “accidents”. | Diaper budgets reduced; laundry detergent budget increased. |
A child is an ever-changing entity. As parents we have survive by negotiating each new developmental milestone and/or setback. It’s stressful at times, overwhelming even, but I’ve realized that we’re hardwired to do a good job. It’s kind of why we’re all still here isn’t it? Because we know how to adapt? Shaky Darwinian references aside, just remember that the biggest secret to being a good dad is to be a happy dad. So remember – just have fun with it.
Great post — a good laugh and a good reminder for those of us in the toddler trenches.