This weekend my partner and I were travelling around Portland, Oregon. It was the July long weekend and we thought quite naturally, what better way of ringing in the 4^th then watching Transformers 3. After all, it’s got all the bells and whistles, US flags and lots and lots of fireworks (aka explosions). What we witnessed that ill-fated evening was a Michael Bay monstrosity. After some serious consideration, I’m convinced that quite unintentionally, Transformers 3 has managed to highlight many of the societal issues afflicting both America and the Millennial Generation. It could be so effective if only Bay was being ironic. But no, after firing Megan Fox for her disapproval of being leered at his cameras it is hard to imagine Bay doesn’t buy what he’s selling.

Here are a few lessons the movie appears intent on teaching us in Bay’s latest movie:

Serving the US is Serving the World

We find the Transformers shortly after the movie starts running black-ops missions against people vaguely identified as Middle Easterners. Later we learn the Transformers are guarding humanity and protecting the Earth. Tell that to the poor conscript enlisted into the militia when a giant Mac truck transforms into Optimus Prime and blows up his little look-out tower with him in it.

Millennials are too good to deliver mail

That’s certainly how Shia LaBeouf’s character feels. He’s pissed off about having to work in the mail room because he’s convinced he’s too amazing to be bothered with a shitty job. When he comes into the presence of high-level officials he complains about how they are doing their job and rudely tells them how he thinks it should be done. Great. Thanks for the worldly advice Shia. And thanks for endorsing his arrogance Mr. Bay.

Good things come to those who complain loudly

Shia LaBeouf running away from work. Cause he's to good for it.

That’s pretty much the motto of this story. With Leboeuf spending the first third of the story complaining about how much he hates his life (despite living in a sweet DC apartment with a beautiful and loving girlfriend), the second third of the film reaming out senior administration officials about how to better do their job and the third part of the film getting responsibility and affirmation handed to him on a silver platter.

Militarism is good, Violence is awesome!

Talk about a macho, flag waving guns blazing, stuff-exploding tribute to violence. Most interesting is how Bay and his script writers have struggled to find a way of keeping the human soldiers relevant when they’re military power is pretty much the equivalent of ants armed with cap guns shooting a quick-moving, heavily Abrams tank (aka transformers) Nevertheless, Bay still manages to hold the human characters on a high pedestal as the heroes of the day, despite the fact it’s the Transformers who are doing 99% of the fighting. Turns out that despite their world changing service, they still take orders and remain mere pawns in the no-holds barred ground battle in downtown Chicago.

America will turn on their allies in a second

After the Decepticons threaten to attack the world, the US Congress votes (in like a day) to send the Autobots (the good guys) into space, betraying their loyal allies and dooming themselves. Fortunately, thanks to a kindly trick by the wiley Prime, disaster is diverted. But really, I wonder how it makes the Autobots feel that those who they protect and sacrifice so much for would so easily toss them into space. Talk about undermining their motivations in the workplace. Maybe they should have signed up with the guys in the Middle East who they were attacking at the start of the movie.

People can fly

Now that’s just cool. By far, the highlight of the movie. Want to experience it and skip the rest? Just click here.