Around the world, career practitioners continually search for meaningful, engaging and inspiring metaphors that will, among other things, drive clients their way. Powerful metaphors also help people better understand their work search, too. (Friend and colleague) Kimberley Rawes and I have discovered the perfect career development metaphor that will have the kids talking and tweeting and maybe even sexting en route to their dream jobs. Because finding a job is just like dating (sort of).

“Career as Dating” is whispered about in secluded corners, laughed about at Career Centre holiday parties or excitedly presented as novelty by the ingenious class clown (every teacher has one – the one who cracked this gem in my class is named Alexi and he is delightful). While not delivered as formal best practice or celebrated in the academic discourse, career-as-dating is sometimes cited by pop-culture-ish blogs with very engaging results – particularly within the hormone laden environment of post-secondary institutions.

So, here’s the deal, from pick-up-line to marriage, Kimberley and I will outline a foolproof start-to-finish strategy that will help you see your work search in a whole new light…softly lit romantic light, baby!

Establish Purpose

Before you delve into your social or professional toolkit(s) you must define the purpose of your quest. Are you looking for a post-break-up-one-night-adventure or a soul-connecting-life-partner? Are you in search of an internship abroad or a permanent full-time position in the city that you call home? Think about what you want to get out of this experience. Because even if Kimberley and I chart the course, you’re the one who needs to steer your ship. Here we go.

Pick-up Lines

Picking up guys and gals in a bar can be tough – it’s noisy and you only have a matter of moments to catch their attention. Career Fairs – or networking events – are no different. Well, they are very different, but suspend disbelief for just a moment. According to Job Posting magazine’s Kari Mitchell, “an overall professional appearance is required. Showing up in jeans and a hoodie and saying that you just found out about the career fair that day is not an excuse. You need to dress to impress.”

Whether dating or job hunting, be sure to make eye contact. It’s common sense, but not common practice. Eye contact and proper body language imply active listening and interest in the discussion, which any audience will love. For more information, just follow this link and this one, too.

Recent findings show that you have less than 20 seconds to make an impression on your audience – that’s how quickly prospective employers and life-partners take to size you up. The point is that you need a spectacular elevator pitch, which is basically a 20-second summary of the value that you can add to any situation, which may or may not be supplemented by amazing graphs, videos and photos contained in your smartphone. You also need to ask interesting questions that show that you are simultaneously interested and interesting.

Which ones are for dating and which ones are for networking? Well, we’ll just leave that to you.

• “Do you know how much a male polar bear weighs? Me neither, but I figured it would be enough to break the ice.”
• “I graduated in record time from Coho University with an undergraduate degree in microbiology. I just started researching the influence of algae on prolonging the life span and increasing the population of bottlenose dolphins.”
• “Your CEO must be Jamaican, because JAMAICAN me crazy for this company!”
• “There’s something wrong with your recruiter, because s/he doesn’t have my number yet.”
• “What are your three favourite things about where you work?”
• “I’m sorry, were you talking to me? No? Well then, please start.”

Some super cheesy lines won’t work and can often come off as inauthentic. Remember – be yourself, especially if you’re searching for that soulful job. You wouldn’t want less from a life partner – would you?

First and Second Dates

Congratulations. Your pick-up line(s) worked and you got a date! Or an interview!!!

Okay, the first rule of interviewing is this: know the most about your audience…without coming off as a stalker. The second rule is this: be totally prepared for what is supposed to be a 15-minute coffee/screening-chat to turn into a full-blown interview that results in a job offer. In dating-parlance, once you’ve used your great line and secured a date, well, it’s time to explore your connection and see how long it takes to evolve into something amazing…or fizzle into an afterthought. If you want to make a good impression – romantically or professionally – just remember the CAR Formula, which stands for Context, Action, Result. We’ll use the most common dating/social-networking question as an example for both dating and working use of the CAR Formula.

Q: What do you do for a living?

A: For the past three years I’ve been working as a Staff Accountant for Turner, Briggs & Melvin, where I specialize in forestry-sector audits. I’ve worked hard to develop the expertise and connections that have allowed me to become one of the most sought-after nerds specialists in Western North America. In my spare time, I’ve collaborated with a team of volunteers to establish and grow a soccer league for homeless people and I also love to cook French and Japanese food for big groups of people who don’t know each other but who will by the end of the evening.

Remember, don’t just focus on what your audience wants to hear. Be yourself. Because, well, if you fake it then you’ll wake up three months later in a hollow, uninspiring, foundationless, lie-ridden, dark pit of a job/relationship that you never really wanted in the first place.

Here are some other career/romance-related questions and scenarios that you can prepare for using the CAR Formula:

• What do you value in life? / What are your top 3 work values?
• What was the best part of growing up? Where did you go to school? / Tell me about a time when….
• What makes you different from the rest? / Why should I hire you?
• Mini scenarios – test out different date venues. Can you have constant debate and intellectual discussion? Can you laugh until you cry? Can you sit quietly and enjoy each others company without that awkward pressure?

Whatever date (first, second, third) you’re on, here are some deal-breakers that will torpedo your love-life just as quickly as they will end your career, or at least burn a bridge:

• Answering your cellphone during a meeting, movie, dinner, or conversation.
• Talking badly about exes (bosses, partners or a formerly special someone).
• Not having clear expectations of each other.
• Neglecting to follow-up or doing so with a text message.

The Offer

[Editor’s note: Initial focus-group testing found that calling this category “The Job Offer” resulted in too much giggling and not enough attention to the job at han- dammit! Anyway, after a few rounds of positively received dates or interviews, a candidate will receive an offer that requires commitment. We’ll go from here].

If this is your first time committing to a serious job, you may feel uncertain about your future and want to keep your options open with other companies. This move neglects the needs of your would-be employer who is under the impression that you’re gearing up for monogamy. If you were about to commit to a partner, would you still be okay if they were meeting new people and picking up phone numbers? Probably not. In the work world, you can always send out multiple resumes and have multiple interviews, but when you’re getting close to a final interview, or an offer, its time to settle down and get committed.

When discussing an offer, it’s important to ask yourself “what is negotiated at this stage?” Are we going to be exclusive? Will I get use of the car? Do I have to relocate? What are the living arrangements? Will I be in an open office concept or will I have my own private workspace? What is the bonus structure of this arrangement? Will travel be a requirement? What is the time commitment?

Just as you would ask – or at least think about – these questions before jumping headfirst into a relationship, you should do the same when it comes to work. Or vice versa.

The Summary of Where We Are

Based on what’s above, you have used a fantastic pickup line to get a date (or maybe more) and have been offered an exclusive relationship. So what should you do next?

The First 90 Days

This is the make-or-break period for romantic and professional relationships alike. It’s a lot easier to fake it on a date than it is to fake it in a committed, monogamous relationship. Bad habits are revealed. Personality defects rear their ugly head(s). Idiot friends come out of the woodwork. And your Facebook status updates get you in trouble. Here are some helpful hints that will make the first 90 days at work – or at work in a relationship – go smoothly:

• Secure early wins. While you shouldn’t be making your boss gourmet dinners or planning romantic picnics in romantically secluded romantic places, the non-romantic above-and-beyond mentality of “capturing positive attention” is a must-have for the first 90 Days on the job or in a relationship.
• Don’t assume anything. You’ll make an ass out of yourself. You need to navigate the department or the office and ask a thousand questions.
• Keep your head down. Make it about work. If your buddies are buddies they’ll still be around in 91 days. Come in early. Stay late. Don’t go near the Interweb unless it’s part of your job or evening together. Clean gutters or do the dishes. Basically, go above and beyond and showcase the best version of you (thus implying that it’ll be the you that’s around forever).
• Cross-departmental collaboration. Let’s face it, you are only one part of your partner’s, um, work.  S/he most likely has other “units” of friends and family out there. So, get interdisciplinary and cross-pollinate (not literally, guys) with his/her other stakeholders – discover your team’s pleasure zones. Forming solid relationships with them means creating powerful and influential alliances that will help you in everything from Sunday Night Settlers of Catan games to planning your three year anniversary holiday.
• Never say no. That’s right, you heard us. For 90 days take this word out of your vocabulary (within reason, folks) and take on as many projects, romantic comedies, monster truck pulls, and family dinners as you can. It will set a precedent, sure, but it will also establish credibility that can be used later for, um, negotiations.

But, even if you do all these things spectacularly, the relationship might not be a good fit, and you break up.

Worst of all are the break ups just after the first commitment. There is all of that “relationship” potential. I mean – you thought that person was “the-one” (maybe at least for now). When you accept an offer and then abruptly leave a company before your start date or a few months in, you don’t leave with the most positive impression. While there may be valid reasons for your early departure, do your best to minimize the damage and avoid these situations in the future.

Getting Promoted…for Life

No other single relationship is more important, you need to figure out how to build a productive romantic relationship with your new special someone as well as manage his or her expectations. This means carefully planning for a series of critical conversations about the situation, expectations, style, resources, and your personal – and mutual – development as a couple. Crucially, it means developing and gaining consensus on where your relationship is going.

But luck and opportunity has a lot to do with your promotion, too. According to Fast Company magazine’s Bill Breen, “A promotion’s context, it turns out, is just as important as the job’s content. Some people are promoted because they’re available — an operation is phased out, a job ends prematurely and the company creates another position. Others (perhaps with more talent) also have the skills but can’t make an immediate move.” Breen’s lesson: opportunity plays a critical role in promotions. Just like with dating. I mean, meeting the right person at the wrong time (like when s/he’s married) is just wrong for everyone!

So, execute spectacularly in the first 90 days of your semi-serious, semi-committed relationship, but also keep in mind that, for everything to happen according to plan, you need to realize that no plan will ever work. Most of the time, relationships of every kind are built by chance. Do you feel lucky?

“But Humans Aren’t Monogamous”

This might very well be true – according to the Recent Findings Institute (and Softpedia), just 3 to 5% of the about 5,000 species of mammals form lifelong, monogamous bonds. As hard as many of us try, we are not penguins or swans or other animals that mate for life. In fact, recent findings from Brainstorm Consulting’s From Learning to Work report show that college and university graduates in Canada expect to have between 7-10 different jobs in their lifetime. Other sources show that the majority of post-secondary graduates will have at least 10 jobs by the time they’re 40! But here’s the funny thing: according to Brainstorm, 53% of post-secondary students want to work at one company for their entire life. Even funnier is this line from Brainstorm’s executive summary of the report: “loyalty is not [the students’] problem, but it might be their employers.” Like pirates, new employees today will leave their ship for a better one without hesitation. In fact, the From Learning to Work report found that 40% of students expect to leave their first job in five years or less. And 70% of ‘em – while hungry for lifelong professional monogamy – have no idea where to look for that relationship. Just like with dating…

So, even if we’re not hardwired to commit for life, we still do our best to force professionally monogamous relationships upon ourselves. According to Devra G. Kleiman, author of “Monogamy in Mammals“, “an emotional bond is a requirement for monogamy.” Whether it’s a relationship with work or pleasure, it seems that people need to care about it/him/her if they’re to stay forever.

In Conclusion

So there it is. From pick-up lines to lifelong commitment, we’ve explored how finding a job is just like dating your way to finding a husband/wife/life-partner. Or Kimberley and I just screwed up your moral compass and you keep making dinner for your boss and spreadsheets for your wife. If that’s the case, we apologize and hope that this powerful metaphor is eventually gotten by you and job seekers everywhere.

Stay classy job seekers.

—

This article was originally published as a two part series by Kimberley Rawes and John Horn on November 30 and December 1, 2010 (it mostly holds up)