John at an awesome dinner party!

This past Saturday my lovely wife, who is also her own woman, Michelle and I hosted four friends for dinner and the experience was spectacular. Here’s how to host awesome dinner parties.

Host Awesome Dinner Parties

One of my favourite ways to collaborate with people is at a dinner party; from the organizing to the inviting to the eating and talking to the headachey recollections, I love it all. When food, drink and conversation are meaningfully and entertainingly combined, communities benefit from deeper personal (and, at times, professional) connections, increased knowledge and, most importantly, a stronger sense of place.

I’ve always loved big, loud, noisy, and chaotic dinner parties, as these celebrations of food, drink, friends and family were – and still are – a huge part of my upbringing and my life today. And when it comes to throwing successful dinner parties (big or intimate), professional-relationship-building guru Keith Ferrazzi recommends that you take your inspiration from the most awesome family dinner that you’ve ever experienced. While I couldn’t agree more with such an approach, I diverge from some of Mr. Ferrazzi’s tips in several ways, particularly when it comes to the party-price-point, location and how the dinner party should have business-related outcomes. Great communities are comprised of folks who genuinely want to connect with others, as opposed to being driven by the artifice of professional success.

With such things in mind, here are my tips for throwing fantastic dinner parties:

Find Common Threads Amongst the Guests

Whether it’s friendships, professional similarities or shared interests, be sure that there will be at least a few things that your guests will have in common. Ferrazzi recommends that hosts be incredibly transparent regarding the things that spark passion amongst guests, so whether people are driven by world travel, sports-based-non-profits, youth literacy, pirates, cosplay, or ending breast cancer, be sure that everyone knows it. Also, small talk is boring and, often, meaningless, so aligning peoples’ interests will lead to better, deeper conversations amongst guests and avoid that painful check-in about the day’s weather or the best driving routes to work.

Have a(n) (Adaptable) Plan

These days it’s not uncommon to have a dinner guest who is a lactose-intolerant-vegan-mushroom-aversion-having-celiac-sufferer, so be sure to check with folks about dietary restrictions or strong dislikes before you plan your menu. What you make should be in your culinary wheelhouse and also a unique dish that will have guests talking (in a good way). Think about some potential post-dinner activities, too, such as board games, a walk down the street to secure ice cream or a slideshow viewing (this is an especially good choice if you’re my parents or if you want to time-travel back to the 1970s). All this being said, be ready to throw your plan out the window and follow the organic direction of the party (one time, I participated in an interpretive dance of Life in the Ocean, which I can’t imagine was part of any plan). You can easily prepare a tasty and adventurous meal for $50-$125 – depending on quality of ingredients, whether you make veggie or meat dishes, and booze you’re willing to provide.

Be a Great Host (with a great table)

Michelle and I are lucky to have a really big rectangular table that fits 6-8 people quite comfortably, but dinner parties are more about the people than the equipment, so just make sure you’re not trying to cram 12 people at a table that fits 6 and you’ll be fine. In addition to providing a warm and welcoming place, have a few conversation topics prepared and some points of interest that will get people talking. Most importantly, welcome folks to the party with a tasty beverage and a delicious appetizer – if you’re up to it, begin dinner with a toast that acknowledges the time and energy that everyone is bringing to the meal!

Provide Social Lubricant

Many hosts will tell you that alcohol is the preferred social lubricant for dinner parties. Sure. It’s great. That being said, not everybody drinks, so your social lubricant should also include great stories, seating people next to a stranger/future-friend, a thoughtful gift, or a special dish that will make your guests feel at home. One of my favourite strategies is to sit a guest next to someone with whom they’re comfortable, such as a colleague or me, and next to a stranger/future-friend.

Invite Reflection and Continuation

Rest assured that hosting a fantastic dinner party is effort enough. If, however, you are an overachiever when it comes to community building then you might want to send a follow-up email to your guests that captures some of the top touchpoints from the evening as well as an invitation for folks to continue connecting beyond the party.

People sharing meals and conversation is at the heart of any thriving community, and with these strategies in your toolkit I’m confident that your next dinner party will absolutely realize its potential.